Those Downer Days

Today was a BAD day for me. Downer. Bummer. Heavy. A drag. The pits. Whatever.

See, I struggle with depression real bad sometimes. Sometimes I can be copacetic for months, but then it hits… today was one of those days. One of those days where you crash and you never want to move again. You cry and slobber snot until you don’t even know who you are anymore. And you wish you were dead.

Yeah, I said it. You can imagine sunshine, but sometimes the tornado hits you in the face, and dude, it sucks. This was the first time it happened in a while. Just out of nowhere, bang-o daddy-o.

At least Gabe was around. I don’t know what I’d do without my man. Before we got together, I’d just crash when those episodes would hit… nothing for it but to wait ‘em out, which could take days.

But Gabe’s cool with that; instead of telling me to chill or get over it, he’s just puttering around our pad, rubbing my back, getting me a drink, getting me in and out of the shower when I’m too flaked to do it myself, holding my hand, rapping about nothing in particular to get my mind off “it.”

I’ve said before how Gabe’s a real beautiful guy… and he knows what depression’s like. Actually, the only person I’ve ever met who understands what it’s like. And we laugh about it because when I’m down, he’s up… when he’s wigging out, I’m the groovy one. One of us is always ready to haul the other one out of “it.”

So today I was moping around, pretty much off my head, telling him he should leave me and all that because I was a real drag… and darned if he didn’t sit there with big crocodile tears rolling down and tell me how he loved me too much to leave me, but if I wanted to go, he’d help me. Made me bawl all over again. What a righteous guy.

So anyways, I chilled after a few hours and we got it settled that no one’s splitting, we’re in this for the long haul. Glad that’s over. I’d just crash and die without my baby around. I mean, I would totally crash. It would kill both of us if we ever had to split up. We read each other’s minds so much it’s freaky. Finishing each other’s sentences and everything. And people totally don’t get it because of the age difference… but hey, love is supposed to be ageless anyways right? At least, with these two cats it is.

And that’s the way it’s gonna stay dudes!!

Peace out!!